hotel room ftw
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
