my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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