Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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