I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
