we're making bets on your personal life
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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