how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
