can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
