I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
