; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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