An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
