The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
