The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I supernannyed him into submission
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
