Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
