Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
