I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
