My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
