I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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