cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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