Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
