I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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