Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
