How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
