just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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