Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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