Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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