When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
