We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
