He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
