It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
