Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
