he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
