Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
