New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
