I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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