I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
