I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
