Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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