these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Blow job season was short but glorious.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
