I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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