Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
