So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
