Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I want a musical about memes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
