Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
