We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
