I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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