The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
