Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
