none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
