Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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