I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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